# Dear Autocorrect... (Sincerely, Mathematician)

/### Dear Autocorrect,

### No.

"**Topos** theory" is not the theory of **tops**. Or coats or shoes or hats or socks or gloves or slacks or scarves or shorts or skorts or--um, actually, what *is* topos theory?

“**Zorn’s** lemma” is not a result attributed to **corn**. Neither boiled corn, grilled corn, frozen corn, fresh corn, canned corn, popped corn, nor unicorns. Though I'm sure one of these is equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.

*Anyhoo*.

No, the "fundamental **groupoid**" is not Justin Bieber’s most dedicated **groupie***. *Or Taylor Swift's or Bruno Mars' or Lady Gaga's or Ed Sheeran's or Miley Cyrus' or whoever sang those 'Frozen' songs, or even Beyoncé's.

Sorry, Beyoncé.

The “**solvability** of a group” is not a measure of its **solubility***. *Or its stretchability, scratchability, stackability, squeezability, survivability, sublimability, semipermeability or superconductability.

Galois had other things on his mind.

A “**monoid**” is not a---wait. Why did you auto-translate "monoid" to Portuguese **monóides**?*

*Portuguese?* *Really*? This does *not* help my paper sound less abstract.

**monóides**

*Uh... anyway*.

No, the “**cokernel** of a homomorphism” is not its pet **cockerel**, pet rooster, pet chicken, pet pigeon,

pet ostrich, pet flamingo, pet Angry-Bird, pet peregrine falcon, pet pterodactyl or whatever else is

pecking at your subconscious.

*But seriously, have I ever written a document in Portuguese? Noooo.*

No, the "**preimage** of a map" is not the somber **presage*** *felt by a poor crumpled MTA flyer advertising that tangled web called the NYC subway system as it wisps along the tourist-infested sidewalks of

Times Square only to be trampled on by a well-meaning teenager from Idaho.

A "**fibration** between spaces" is not a **vibration*** *or a ripple in the fabric of the spacetime continuum, and therefore Einstein's spooky-action-at-a-distance is still spooky, and therefore nobody knows what dark matter *really* is, and therefore we can't confirm if string theory is The Solution, and therefore we still have time to think about

that P vs. NP problem.

*A red squiggly line would have sufficed. Truly.*

No, “the little cubes **operad**” is not an **opera** about the eternal bond of love enjoyed by two

very small, very teeny, very tiny, very eensy, very weensy, very itty, very bitty, very

just-let-epsilon-be-greater-than-zero-you-know-what-I-mean

Platonic solids.

The “**pushout** of a diagram” is not a summarization of its **upshot, ***bottom*line, *side*line, *under*line,

*down*time, *top*side, *low*-tide, *high-*five, *thru*way, *right*-of-way, or its *left*overs.

*Honestly though, I don't even speak Portuguese.*

Geometric group theorists will be miffed if you replace the handy "**Bigon **Criterion" for a beastly **B****ison **Criterion**.**

Algebraic geometers will be mortified if you mistake a "**birational **function" for a **binational** soiree.

Category theorists will be baffled if you tell them a "**colimit**" is a way to **collimate **laser beams.

Number theorists will be appalled if you exchange their "**Dirichlet** series" for a **Dialect** series.

Algebraists will be incensed if you say "the **eigenspace**" is a---*what*?

WHY did you change “the eigenspace” to "the **eigen***spade*?!*

*spade*

AT LEAST "EIGENSPACE" IS A REAL WORD.

You are NOT allowed to make up new wor—oh, oops.

Yeah, I meant "the" not* *“teh.”

But still - EIGEN*SPADE**? *

If you're *that* confused, you might as well change it to *Portuguese.*

### Ugh.

### Sincnerly,

### Mathematician

*true story